Monday, March 3, 2014

A Negative Review: The Walking Dead S04E12 "Still" Sucks

Exhaustive list of imperfections: terrible actress

The most recent episode of The Walking Dead was by far the worst episode to have aired, and as it stands, I don't see things improving any time soon. In brief, the plot of the episode is as follows: some dumb, spoiled girl that no one cares about goes around looking for her first drink, to be shared with the guy whose dick she wants more fiercely than a typical zombie wants brains. Oh yeah, also, guys, Beth can totally take care of herself! LOOK! A ZOMBIE! Wow, how incredible, Beth killed it! Guys!

Well, shit. How lion-hearted of her. You know, I think I've actually seen this episode before, somewhere. I think it was some movie where a bunch of bratty children are hanging out with one another and they end up yelling at each other a lot and arguing about various drivel. Then there's alcohol involved and everyone gets drunk (or high (or both)) and emotional barriers collapse and everyone gets 15 minutes to make teary, heartfelt speeches while their eyes act as waterfalls. Then they destroy something (let's say an abandoned shack full of moonshine in an isolated part of the woods) to symbolize their birth as young adults and newfound perception of the world. Their eyes are opened, fully cognizant of their previous errors. Indeed, the empirical evidence garnered from their drunken bullshit is indisputable, and they see the world for what it truly is – all the while some shitty country song plays in the background. I mean, I can't really pin it down, but I think this archetype might have been covered before in every single coming of age movie ever made. 

What the fuck? This show has recently turned into a soap opera with zombies. The survivors are just wandering around aimlessly, killing walkers left and right, occasionally dying at the moment of greatest artistic value. And when there aren't zombies onscreen, we're bombarded with boring and irrelevant emotional conflicts about the characters we care the least about. If this current trend continues, then things don't look very good for this show. This endless cycle of the characters being split apart, failing to develop, dying, and meeting back up cannot be continued ad nauseam. 

Anyway, while we're at it, let's also address a few plot holes.

1. Glenn, according to Tara, was out for a good 3 hours before waking up aboard Sergeant Ford's truck. Supposing the truck was doing even a measly 25 miles per hour, then that's already 75 miles that group (can't say "the" group anymore, since there are so many goddamned factions, and Rick is hardly the protagonist anymore either by screen time or interest) now has to cover. Also, this is going to be 75 miles of walker-infested territory, and it's made abundantly clear that Glenn's group isn't exactly doing so hot on ammo. And yet, these idiots decide to go and look for Glenn's wife because none of this seems to matter all that much to the other people who've managed to survive the apocalypse thus far.

2. Their clothes. I had actually not given too much thought to this, but wouldn't it be a really bad idea to keep wearing the same clothes, since there are no washing machines available nor rivers and time to clean them? And wouldn't the disgusting, sweaty smell, timely acquired, be in stark contrast to that of the walkers and therefore largely attractive to the latter? Perhaps this seems a tad pedantic, but consider the following: in the zombie apocalypse, other than the zombies and malnutrition, the next, most likely cause of death is probably illness. And what better way is there to become sick than to wear the same clothes you keep splattering the blood of diseased dead people onto? You'd think these guys would get it by now, since everyone was around for that plague fiasco that went about the prison. Yet, no one makes any effort to find new clothing, as every time we tune in for a new episode, everyone is wearing the same attire from the last episode. There is something to be said for audience accessibility as far as not majorly changing the appearance of characters every episode, but is it so much to ask for a little believability? If the writers are going to dedicate an entire episode to some girl making a big deal out of finding a single bottle of liquor, doesn't it stand to reason she'd be equally delighted about acquiring a pretty dress or a new pair of jeans? Shit, isn't it just a good idea to have fresh clothes in case something happens, or in case it gets cold? What about simply having clean clothes? Some of the zombies actually have cleaner clothes than most of the characters, and it's kind of a joke – thus far, this recent episode was the first to (indirectly) address this issue, whereby Beth donned a new shirt (damn) and quickly removed it (yes!) after it became covered in zombie blood.

3. Fire! The episode ends with these two idiots potentially starting a forest fire! Mere moments ago, both characters squabbled over the importance of keeping quiet (but never simultaneously, because of plot contrivances) so as not to attract walkers, but at the end of the episode, they start a giant fire. After years of unkept growth throughout the cabin, who's to tell how large the fire will grow? Even ignoring that, what about attracting walkers? Given the ratio of noise/light to zombies attracted this show has going on, Beth and Darryl's little adventure should attract around 10,000 zombies within 20 minutes (but don't quote me on that).

4. Sexual tension – everyone (or maybe it's just me?) wants to see Beth and Darryl fuck. But it hasn't happened yet. PLOT HOLE!!!

Things do not look good here.


  1. Yeah, they are trying to drag the show on as long as possible to make as much money as possible, but most people are too stupid to realize it sucks now and will keep acting like it is one of the best in history.

  2. I just watched this episode and you said it all. Great post.

  3. You took the words right out of my mouth, I thought I was the only one who thought Beth was a useless character and I don't see the point of her existence and I have no clue how she managed to get an entire story line with your's truly Daryl "Old McGruff McGee"