Sunday, August 31, 2014

A Negative Review: If I Stay Sucks

Pictured: Chloƫ Grace Moretz delivering some of her more effective acting in If I Stay

Meet Mia Hall: she's sort of like a Disney princess, but in real life – she gets to have everything that every shy girl her age wishes she had, but at the cost of her parents dying. She has perfect, indestructible hair; the cute older boy in high school who's also a musician instantly sees how special she is on the inside and pursues her; and her deadbeat parents are worldly enough to always supply her with the perfect, textbook answer to all of life's problems. Unsurprisingly, then, this movie is generic like no other – it's so busy basking in its own pretentiousness and blandness that it often forgets it has a plot to get through. 

Thursday, August 21, 2014

A Negative Review: Suits Sucks (partially)

I've long since learned not to take anything on USA seriously, but Suits is, more or less, pretty good for how bad it is. Great actors, bizarre movie references, witty dialogue… it has a lot going for it. On the other hand, however, its Rachel Zane is one of the most revolting characters in recent TV history and is an absolute joke in the face of equalism. Without further ado: