A Negative Review: The Walking Dead S04E13 "Alone" Sucks

I'm not going to bother with an excuse

So I guess at this point, the writers are trying to reduce the fan base of this show intentionally. There are just so many things wrong that it's almost hopeless to try to list them all – but in brief, it's that characters keep doing things contrary to what rudimentary logic would dictate, and that The Walking Dead is no longer post-apocalyptic horror. I have no idea what is going on with this show anymore.

A Negative Review: The Walking Dead S04E12 "Still" Sucks

Exhaustive list of imperfections: terrible actress

The most recent episode of The Walking Dead was by far the worst episode to have aired, and as it stands, I don't see things improving any time soon. In brief, the plot of the episode is as follows: some dumb, spoiled girl that no one cares about goes around looking for her first drink, to be shared with the guy whose dick she wants more fiercely than a typical zombie wants brains. Oh yeah, also, guys, Beth can totally take care of herself! LOOK! A ZOMBIE! Wow, how incredible, Beth killed it! Guys!

A Negative Review: Firefly Sucks

These are the voyages of– no wait

There are several things about Firefly that I can't stand – primarily, it's that Firefly masquerades as science-fiction. Foregoing the more superficial aspects of the genre, such as the spaceships and extra-terrestrial names, you're left with a pretty tacky western. You could try and look for the alien life, or the technological advancement, but you wouldn't really find it. 

A Negative Review: Sherlock Series 3 Sucks

Sherlock recovered. Sherlock did not.

Undoubtedly, Steven Moffat's most consistent failure as the producer of Sherlock is his total inability to let characters face the consequences of their actions. In and of itself, this would not be a ruinous flaw (it is still a pretty bad one), but unfortunately, Steven Moffat is also fairly talented at writing characters into corners from which they cannot possibly escape. The point of raising the stakes in a given show is to give the action resonance; in this regard, Sherlock has had several highlights – during the first episode, where Sherlock is about to swallow a deadly pill; in the third episode, where Watson is made to wear a suicide vest; and in the sixth episode, where Sherlock fakes his death. As the audience comes to see the consequences of these actions, all of those consequences contribute in some meaningful way to the emotional resonance that comes with such high tension and stakes. However, with the onset of series 3, this completely stops being the case.

A Negative Review: Out of the Furnace Sucks

You would never see Christian Bale equally happy with Out of the Furnace

It appears that when I entered the theater, I really watched two separate movies – one was pretty bad, and the other was an utter travesty. The revenge-flick component, as falsely advertised to be what Out of the Furnace is all about, sort of works like this: Christian Bale goes after Woody Harrelson, who plays a psychotic hillbilly wacko backwoods hinterland peckerwood nut-job, based on some bizarre stereotype about what Ramapough Mountain inhabitants must be like. Apparently, this means that Harrelson is a slave owner living in the 1800s that also sells drugs and runs a fight club on the side – and honestly, it would be a waste of time to explain why this is ethnically incorrect. The other movie is about Christian Bale's bad run with lady luck, and could have been something interesting, but is repeatedly bogged down by the first movie. Overall, Out of the Furnace is more of an awkward experience than anything else, as the audience realizes what missed potential there was.

A Negative Review: The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug Sucks

O Smaug, the pretentious!

There is something to be said for leeway as far as novel-to-movie adaptations go. However, left unsaid, and often heavily implied, is the unfortunately lesser observed notion of keeping with the spirit and tone of the source material; in this manner, The Desolation of Smaug fails more severely than does Sean Bean in living until the end of a movie.

I can tell you that, certainly, I am a fan of Tolkien's work. I adore the books of the original trilogy, as well as the corresponding movies. When I read The Hobbit, I liked it very much as well – but if you were to show me the two current movies with which the novel shares its name, I would likely question whether the director had any actual contact with the novel. Throughout The Desolation of Smaug, only very few scenes and characters appear roughly based upon the novel – there are some barrels, there is a hike through Mirkwood with its corresponding spiders, and, unlike the previous installment, there is actually a fucking dragon in this movie. Unfortunately, and rather noticeably, in straying from the tone of the source material to such an extent, The Desolation of Smaug never quite makes up its mind about what kind of movie it wants to be. Is it trying to be funny, as a comedy of sorts? It it fantasy-adventure like the original trilogy? Or maybe, is it an action film? Well, the answer is irrelevant, because the movie utterly fails in all three departments: the humor entices no laughter, the action lacks tension, and the fantasy comes off as uninspired.

A Negative Review: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Sucks

Anyway...

Truly, getting through the first two thirds of this movie is an exercise in resilience – I was having trouble staying awake. In fact, the cinematography and acting felt so lifeless and generic that I actually thought my date, who was quietly groaning and sighing throughout, displayed more talent than what I was seeing onscreen; that Catching Fire is receiving so much praise is even more ridiculous than Jennifer Lawrence winning over Emmanuelle Riva at the Oscars. So without any further asides: